He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to align my fucking chakras
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