I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sponge bath it is.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sext me about skeletons
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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