My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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