Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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