have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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