so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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