I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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