i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize