Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Be still, my beating vagina.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize