you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
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I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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