I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize