i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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