so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I AM VODKA MAN
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize