sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
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I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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