remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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