So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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