Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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