U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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