I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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