I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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