We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
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He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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