oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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