I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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