watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
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Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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