Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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