i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Come back. Shots need mouths.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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