you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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