nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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