he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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