I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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