TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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