i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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