Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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