Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize