note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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