there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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