i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize