im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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