This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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