I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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