i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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