I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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