lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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