1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize