Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
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I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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