Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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