Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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