So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
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And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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