To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize