I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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